Happy Corbyn Day

Well, face has healed almost completely, only took about five days! I used a product called Balm Balm (www.balmbalm.com) that feels like pure plant moisture and is all ethical and not tested at any point on bouncing bunnies so that’s good. I have never endorsed a product before but my Lord this stuff is amazing. Highly recommended for those hypomanic days when battering yourself against a wall or the floor is all too inevitable!

It was a pretty awful accident, and a sharp reminder that I am not indestructible but the positive love and kind words and gifts from friends and strangers (from both those touched by mental health issues and those who have not) has been overwhelming and I am in no doubt has speeded up my recovery.

Mentally I feel in a stable, warm place but am aware that again this could be the proverbial calm before the storm, so absolutely no alcohol, no going out in the evenings (boo missed Sanction This playing at the Bull last night and Tattoo the Taboo auction) as need to stay calm and safe. Good homemade food is in order and long baths and herbal tea. But I watched the last two episodes of Gotham and cooked a meal for Mr.Smith so was not a bad Saturday night and I was up early this morning feeling refreshed.

Anyhow, I have started the ‘I Love Corbyn’ Painting that has been in my head for a couple of weeks and have made a decision to paint bright and happy rather than dark and sad. Also nearly finished wee Silver Lady hedgehog to live with my friend Matthew in his Hairdressers Bijoux on Chillingham Road. Be aware, they are taking over the world…..

#jesswecan
#jesswecan

Where To Begin….

Oh My Lord. Did I actually write that I needed something to talk about at my next CPN vist?  I think if I was looking for an expression to describe the days since my last blog it would be WTF!

Anyhow, I have been feeling a little down but thought I better cover that to stop people worrying –

I have just had a chat with my mum about this, my Father has Depression, and she says this is worse, you need to tell your support and/or your family that this is going on so they don’t get this horrendous bolt out of the blue when the crash occurs.

Then I was feeling a little hyper (well more like a superhero – just need the pants) and to cut along story short blacked out on Wednesday evening in a back lane, luckily with my Husband, spent six hours in A & E getting x-rayed, cleaned up and conversations around bi-polar and managing my condition etc.

I am black and blue.

I feel like an idiot.

But, I don’t feel the guilt that I usually carry. I know this was an accident although it could have been prevented with talking through feelings and medication for the hypomania.

I am sorry it happened, I am grateful to the NHS again for their time and patience, I feel so bad for my husband who again with his ongoing good humour has picked me up and carried my literally and figuratively over this bump. And the kind words from my friends has helped, so has (surprisingly for me) sharing on Facebook and now by this blog. I am determined to get the face of Bi-Polar out there, to create understanding and empathy if not support.We must praise and support the partners, family, friends and health professionals who continuously shape their lives to fit into ours.

I texted my CPN on Thursday morning (don’t worry it’s his work phone – I haven’t started stalking him yet!) and we received three phone calls checking in and have an early appointment with him on Tuesday coming. I am lucky to have this support – I received a CPN for the first time in my life afer my breakdown in April and I do believe this has helped with my ongoing if not recovery but the management of my condition, the acceptance of taking medication (will still do a blog post on that eventually) and also understanding about who I am.

Anyhow, I have attached a picture of my lovely face which I have been told will heal in about three weeks bashed up  however it is what it is, and nowt can be done so think I shall go and knit a hedgehog and start sketching my Jeremy painting…..

Good Mental Health – Aly

Truly Tuesday

A good day, CPN appointment this morning,  felt a bit bad because I did not have anything exciting to tell him as I have been so level, I have promised I will go on a rampage for next time…… but in all seriousness it is such a relief to have a quiet head, to not want to hurt myself and those around me to distance myself from love and support. I went to work for a couple of hours (permitted)  and worked through my pile of papers, invoices and receipts which was quite cathartic. I recieved a letter of thanks for a kids workshop that I managed to motivate myself to do, with support from my friend Sharon a couple of weeks ago and this made me really feel good about myself and valued. Great to be able to accept this thanks without looking at the ulterior motives that I was convinced
existed in every kind act or word that I have been given over the last year!

After work a visit to the lovely Lauren who is designing my next tattoo that she will adorn me with next week. Then home and a treat of one large glass of red wine….. yes those who know me … I stopped after that , not three bottles as was the norm…. meal cooked and radio and knitting time. And guess what Tuesdays knitting project is? Yep a Hedgehog, this time a green hedgehog for my brother Guy.

So plans for tomorrow.  Finish green hog (feet to do) sort out my registration to finish my degree with the OU and paint a picture of Jeremy Corbyn as if there’s one person who is there to be celebrated it’s him.

I need to upload some more pics of my art and knitted creations but in the meantime here’s some more bloody hedgehogs!

image

And so it begins……….

Oil on Canvas
Hen Night

It has been suggested to me on several occasions that I keep a diary or a blog. Apparently to write down your feelings is cathartic,  I err on the side of finding it self indulgent but have found during and after my recent breakdown that talking about my anxieties has helped. My partner has also talked about his feelings and any who knows him will confirm how out of character this is. So, maybe there’s something in it.

I will use this to discuss my bipolar, my art, my determination to take a holistic approach to my illness and my life as I get stronger emotionally and physically (well that’s the plan) and my strange new addiction to knitting hedgehogs.

Sunday Sunday la laaaaaa la la laaaaaa and the pile of ironing.

I woke up twice last night with a dry mouth. Proper dry to a point of gagging. Apparently it is a side effect of taking queteipine, but it has not happened before. But apart from that I am chilled, I have started to love Sundays.  It’s a day of radio, knitting and ironing.i am not a fan of ironing, however when I was poorly in April & May specifically the ironing pile grew and grew.

I will take this opportunity to record how much my husband actually done. He bathed, clothed and fed me. He held me and cried with me. He took over my art workshops to guarantee some kind of income and also to relieve the stress of letting people down that consumed me.So the only thing he did not do was iron. The ironing pile became this symbol of my grief and my darkness.  The unmovable mountain.

The Sunday I got out of bed with the one calm, focused thought that I must get through the ironing was the start of an overall clarity that I now have. This is mainly to do with taking the correct medication at the correct dose at the correct time. I will blog about what I feel the pros and cons of this are another time. That’s a book in itself! Anyhow, Barchester Towers on the radio, iron in hand, three hours later piles of clothes and bedding all pressed and folded. The sense of achievement was overwhelming. And that’s life at the minute. Small tasks are massive achievement s.

Happy Sunday.

Hedgehog Happiness

Hog family

My friend Sharon decided that I needed to get knitting and is always giving me patterns to work through that distract me from my mind overworking and over thinking. On a trip to Wooly Minded, lush wool  shop in town, we chose the hedgehog pattern and bought the shiny shiny wool and now I can’t stop! The great thing is that people have loved them enough to buy them so this keeps me able to buy more wool and make more and more hogs.